We’re often told to find our village.

And there’s truth in that. Support matters. Connection matters. Being known by others changes how heavy life feels.

But what that phrase rarely captures is how long it can take — and how many attempts it sometimes requires — before belonging actually arrives. Not as an idea, but as a felt sense. The moment your shoulders drop. The exhale.

That has been true in my own life.

When I became a mother at 27, everything felt more vulnerable than I expected. Not dramatic, just tender. I went back to work six weeks postpartum, trying to make sense of my body, my baby, and myself, without having other mothers around me who were actively figuring it out at the same time.

My friends were kind and supportive. They showed up. But as I was the first of my friends to have a baby, there was something missing — not care, but the steadiness that comes from being alongside others who are inside the same questions you are, at the same moment.

So I kept trying.

I looked for connection online.
I looked for it in groups.
I looked for it in the places people said it should be.

Sometimes those attempts brought moments of closeness. Many times they brought judgment, or discomfort, or a sense that my version of motherhood or my kids were not welcome. Over time, it became clear that finding belonging wasn’t a single event — it was a long, uneven process.

Years later, I had a different experience.

I joined a small group of women navigating work and ambition. We were strangers when we began. There was nothing organic or accidental about it.

And still, something settled.

Of course there was insight. Of course there were useful perspectives.
But what I hadn’t anticipated, and what stayed with me, was the relief.

The exhale of showing up without editing.
The steadiness of hearing “me too.”
The feeling of being understood without having to explain every edge of my life.

I wrote more about that experience, and the longer journey of trying to find support that fit, in this week’s essay on Substack if you want the longer story.

That experience reshaped how I think about the village.

It's not a process of just turning to the people you already know- it's reaching out in vulnerability. And it doesn't have to come organically to be profoundly meaningful.

What the research says

1) Belonging is essential to mental health.​
​Decades of research show that humans have a fundamental need to feel accepted, valued, and included. When people experience belonging, emotional regulation and resilience improve. When they don’t — particularly during demanding life stages — distress and burnout increase.

2) Belonging doesn’t have to be organic to matter.​
Research on therapy groups, peer support groups, and structured community groups consistently shows that people benefit even when they begin as strangers. Shared experience, consistency, and a well-held space are enough to foster connection and reduce isolation.

In other words: the village doesn’t have to already exist. Belonging can be built intentionally, over time.

Tip of the week: noticing and building belonging

If “finding your people” feels overwhelming, start with something smaller and more concrete — something your nervous system can actually register.

This week, try this three-step practice:

1. Notice one moment of felt recognition.​
This might be:

• a smile from a stranger
• a barista who remembers your name
• a colleague who listens all the way through your sentence
• a shared laugh or quiet moment of understanding

2. Pause and feel what it does in your body.​
Does your breath soften? Do your shoulders drop? Do you feel even a little less alone?
Belonging isn’t just cognitive, your body has to feel it.

3. Let that information guide your next step.​
Instead of asking Where should I find my village?, try asking:
​What kinds of spaces help me feel more like myself- less guarded, less edited, more at ease?

That question often leads to much clearer, kinder answers.

A direct note (and an invitation)

If you’re reading this and thinking, I want more of that steadiness, I don’t want to keep carrying this alone, I want you to know:

I’m opening one more small group for working mothers and this will be the last group I run in 2026 as my focus shifts toward the book.

These groups are:

• small and intentionally facilitated
• designed for real working lives
• grounded in psychology, not platitudes
• spaces where work, motherhood, and ambition can coexist without judgment

Joining a group doesn’t mean you failed to “find your village.”

​
Sometimes, it’s simply the place where belonging finally takes shape.

You can learn more and apply here.​
​

If it’s not the right season, I trust that. If it is, I’d be honored to hold this space with you.

Talk soon,
Anne